adminI’m on a mission to create the best of the best when it comes to living. And I believe we all deserve to have that for ourselves. Yes, I know everyone has a different BEST life. But I believe there are some general things we can all shoot for. One of those things is strong emotional wellness.
So, what is emotional wellness? Well it isn’t feeling perpetually happy. We all have emotions, good and bad, it’s human to experience them. Just yesterday I was a total mess. Part of a strong emotional wellness is knowing you’re not defined by them.
It also isn’t an either-or kind of thing. It’s not something someone has or doesn’t. There is a range we all live on. One end is poor insight and poor regulation and on the other end is emotional awareness and being able to let your emotions flow. No one stays in one place on the spectrum at all times.
Ok, I’ve already talked a lot about emotions. But what the heck are emotions? Besides those tears you have when hurt or the anger you feel. Emotions are our knee-jerk reactions to the world around us and the memories, beliefs, and associations we have on the inside. Sometimes the emotion sticks with us and can cause unpleasant side effects. Cue the depression (or always feeling angry). Developing an awareness to these emotions and how they affect you are the key to having the best emotional wellness you can.
Building a strong emotional wellness varies from person to person but there are a few things that build your general core of wellness. They include (but are not limited to) safety, shelter, access to nutritious food, sleep, physical movement, and feeling connected. Take a little time to assess your current emotional state by going through this list and thinking about where you stand with each of them.
Let’s say you feel great about the items I listed above. You know those things are strong and healthy in your life. But you’re still having a hard time not getting caught in your emotions. The next things you want to look at are your self-talk, any trauma, social expectations, and the environments we live and work in. All of these can cause us pain, anger or the many other emotions we feel.
When you’re striving to live your best life, working towards having a healthy relationship with your emotions is a great goal. We are not working towards perfect (cause let’s be honest, there is no perfect). Here are a few things you can work towards to create a healthy emotional wellness for yourself.
- Be active with your emotions, instead of passive. You want to teach yourself how to shift your attention to something more positive than your current feelings. Let’s say you’re feeling frustrated with your toddler who won’t let you change him. Choose to change what is happening, instead of yelling at him. One way to do this is to walk into another room (maybe his room). This will give you a second to calm down. And I know in my house it also gets the toddler to chill and come to me to be changed.
- Become comfortable with discomfort. Negative emotions are uncomfortable and often times to end that discomfort we act impulsively. It’s like when you fight with your husband and he says something that hurts you. You snap back with something you later regret. Discomfort is often behind this. Learning to pause and take some deep breaths and notice your feelings can help you become an objective observer of those feelings. When we can pull away from what we are feeling we can learn to not let the emotions control us. And therefore, gain a step towards better emotional health.
- Make peace with the things you can not control. Many of our emotions, especially the negative ones relate to struggles against the things we can’t change. Choosing to accept the things out of our control won’t magically make the changes we want but it will increase our emotional wellness. You’ll be giving yourself control over what you can affect: your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Like many people say you can only control yourself and the way you choose to react.
The reason this all matters is the better emotional wellness we each have the better life we can live. Having a good handle on your feelings helps you better express what you’re feeling and interpret your emotions. Plus, you’ll feel better in your own skin and have better relationships. I am not the kind of person who is on the higher end of the emotional wellness spectrum. I probably hang out on the lower end of it most days. But I’m working towards not letting my knee-jerk reactions control me. What about you? Do you feel more in control of your emotions? Or maybe this is all new to you too. I want to hear from you. Let me know in the comments below.
